Understand?

31 years ago, I was working as a 5 year old ( just kidding) No seriously, I was working as a young adult in a custom drapery shop, when an older woman ventured into the back room where we cut and measured fabric, made valances and steamed beautifully completed window coverings.

She needed assistance of some sort and as I began helping her, she looked at me and  said...”You’re a believer, aren't you? When I responded that, yes I was indeed a Christian, she asked if she could pray with me about anything that I was concerned about. We did and then she looked at me and said “Your Father wants you to know to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding , in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Then she closed with these words, “You are going to need to remember that in the future.”

Certainly this passage from Proverbs 3:5-6 has proven to be a comfort and assurance to me of God’s faithfulness through many of life’s challenges.

But never has it become so tangible to me as it has in the past few days.

My PET scan in June showed minor increase in activity in the site of the original primary tumor (located in the lower lobe of my right lung). All else remained clear,

Because of this, two options were presented. One was radiation, the other, which came as quite an unexpected surprise, was surgery. Surgery usually is not offered to stage 4 cancer patients. But, in light of being progression free and the only visible activity  contained to one area, the surgeon explained that taking the lobe out would be considered curative, as opposed to radiation being more of a palliative solution.

After meeting with both of these excellent physicians, and of course, through prayer, I decided to go forward rather excitedly with surgery. Cure? Why, thats the million dollar word!

In preparation for the surgery, I had to go off my targeted gene therapy drug for three weeks prior, because it presents bleeding issues, incompatible with going under the knife.

I went off the medication July 21. The plan was to have a follow up PET scan August 6th , meet with my regular doctor August 9th. If all was clear, I would be having the lobe removed next week, Somewhere between August 13-17.

I spent the last three weeks preparing for surgery, Getting plans in order for our upcoming Women’s Retreat in early September, arranging schedules and help with my Mom, and tying up loose ends all around the house

As soon as I walked into the Cancer Center this last Thursday I knew things had changed, Expressions were somber and stoic.

The results showed new or regrowth of cancer in 7 lymph nodes and the primary mass also shows a significant increase.

Now.....what do you do when your plans collide with reality? When you don’t fully grasp what is going on?

I absolutely do not understand . To say I know why this happened would be completely presumptuous on my part and well, a lie. I found myself saying things like,”let me wrap my brain around this”,  and ”I need process this info.” Trying to comprehend is not making a dent in this new wall of information.

No, I do not understand, But, this is what I have known by experence.

An undeniable sense of peace. Robert calls it “strange peace” It is. It’s not normal. 

But then again that is what our Saviour purchased for us, “.... the peace that passes understanding.”( Phil. 4:7) Supernatural peace that comes from His very presence.

Romans 11:33 puts it like this:

“Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! 

How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!”

God’s ways are not our ways. This passage says they are ”past finding out”. Meaning, there are some, if not many, things that God allows that you and I in our limited “created” capacity for understanding, will simply never figure out.

Pastor Chuck Smith has wisely stated,
“Never trade what you know, for what you don't know.”

Good words for unstable times.

What I know is that God is good and that He loves me and you.

Anything He allows or prevents is for our good.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

The reality: I cannot deny God’s incredible love, presence and power in my life! And I will, by His grace, continue to proclaim it! 

God has asked us to trust Him even, and especially when, we cannot see.

Faith shines brightest in the dark.

“ For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.”  2 Tim. 1:12

• I am back on the targeted gene therapy and am increasing the dosage.
• If you feel led, please pray for it’s effectiveness and side effects.
• Much love to all!